Atrineas' Mindscape

All Hail! Public Transportation

2010-02-10T18:03:00.002+01:00

And after hailing it, blow the fuckers up. Today, it snowed again. So that means that all trains will be delayed. Of course I only have 4 minutes to get from the train to the bus I need, so when my train was delayed 5 minutes because the train before that was delayed, I missed the bus, normally that´s not so bad, but it still was snowing with temperatures below 0 (celcius that is) waiting half an hour for the next bus wasn't pleasant. Hm... that's about it for today.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life... v2.0

2010-02-09T17:51:00.002+01:00

First of all, I need a new title, I know, but at the moment I'm lazy ;-)

So the second day of my internship was today and it started out allright. I did some archiving for a couple of hours before my mentor took me aside to teach me how the system works. That's where it went wrong. We were busy for about 3 quarters of an hour to an hour when one of the other employees came and gave me a rush job. So for the next several hours I was busy searching for about a 100 letters, in a pile of 3000 letters. Good luck with that I thought, but I managed. However when I came back my mentor had just finished teaching my classmate the system and he decided to test us. Oh, what fun that was... Not. I managed, although it took longer then I liked, and by the time we were finished I had already missed my train. Well... the rest is even more boring then this so I won't be sharing:P

Today is the first day of the rest of my life...

2010-02-08T20:47:00.002+01:00

Internships started today. So for the following 10 weeks I'll be archiving personnel files, budgetting acquisitions and calculating salaries. After only one day my hands hurt from archiving, I mean, who the hell uses paper archives nowadays? Apprantly a non-profit organisation like the one I'm working at. Later more updates on my internship, I'm tired now.

Happy 2010

2010-01-01T22:26:00.002+01:00

Happy 2010 everybody. What can we expect this coming year? Well, on this blog, a lot of time between posts I'm afraid. Not much different from 2009, I suppose but well, can't really do anything about it. The olympics in Vancouver, hopefully we'll do good, last I heard Sven Kramer, will probably be our national hero if all things go well. The World Championship football (soccer for the americans) in june, there's a lot of confidence that we'll become world champion, personally I doubt it. What else? Does it really matter? We'll see during the year. One thing's clear, and that is that it'll be very interesting.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

2009-12-03T22:09:00.002+01:00

Ya hear that? That's probably your gaydar going off... It seems that I act gay. Not as in cheerfully but more as in queer, faggotty kind of gay. Yes, I'm gay, no, I don't dance on a boat wearing nothing more then a thong (I'd be naked), or visit dark rooms and have sex with anyone or anything with a hole and legs. Actually, I once went to a gay club with a friend of mine, and when the other guests there were told I was gay, the first reaction they gave was "NO WAY!". Needless to say they didn't believe me. That was then apparantly, because this evening after swimming I was changing and one of the others from our group, let's call him Swimmer Boy, was there as well. Swimmer Boy and I are rather friendly, so we were changing in one of these big changing rooms and we came to talk about my love life, or lack of it. He had called me gay when we were in the pool in jest and I wanted to know why he said that, and he said that because I don't have a girlfriend, before asking if I really was gay. So at my affirmative answer he exlaimed that "he knew it". I of course wanted to know how he could possibly think that, and he asnwered that I have some things that scream gay. Me not happy. Sorry for the Haphazzard writingstyle here and stuff... I'm tired.

Exhausted

2009-12-02T17:34:00.003+01:00

I'm exhausted... I thought I was over my insomnia... turns out I'm not. Yesterday I went to bed about 23.00 and I finally fell asleep around 01.00-ish, only to wake up again at 02.00 and not fall asleep again. This time though, I screwed up two rather important tests because of it. I only hope this doesn't last as long as my last insomnia spell... back then I didn't get a full night sleep in 3 weeks. Though this time, there might be an upside... I found my latest e-crush yesterday. See for yourself. Click on the picture to see it's real size.

All around me are familiar faces, worn out spaces, worn out faces...

2009-11-11T12:41:00.004+01:00

YOU! YES YOU! You live in America right? How old are you? 22? Ah, a nice age methinks, I wouldn't know, I'm just 19. Anyway, what I wanted to ask you, do you know what a sex offenders list is? Yes? Wonderfull... no I don't want to know what your opinion on it, although I hope it's decidedly negative. So you know what a sex offenders list is, now do you have any idea which age is the mode? 20? 30? 45 perhaps? I'll link to an article and you can see for yourself.

http://freestudents.blogspot.com/2009/09/there-is-fury-and-and-sadness-inside.html

Shocking, isn't it?

Sick as a dog

2009-11-09T23:04:00.002+01:00

As the title suggests, I'm sick as a dog, or maybe a swine is more appropriate. Went to the doctor yesterday where they told me it was most likely the mexican flu. Personally I couldn't care less about what they call it, I just want it over with.

"It's been nearly..." Besaid Priest to Wakka

2009-10-19T16:37:00.002+02:00

It's been more then a month since my last post. I'd apologise except that life's so boring there's not much to tell. I'm free from school at the moment, thankfull as it was getting tedious, and being sick for the last 2 weeks isn't much better. I'm slowly but surely getting better, and I haven't had to stay home since the first week where I could barely get out of bed.

Got myself a pair of running shoes so I can go on a run each morning. Maybe it'll improve my endurance, as I'm cycling to school now instead of taking the car. When I first tried that it shocked me how bad my endurance got, I used to be able to cycle several dozen kilometers without trouble, now 7.5 kilometer is exhausting and almost breaks me. I suppose running every morning, swimming twice a week and going to school by bike everyday has to work pretty quickly. Who knows, maybe I'll go into endurance sport sometimes. Other then that nothing new actually, but meh, who cares?

The inevitable question

2009-09-10T22:57:00.002+02:00

When you first start a new school or job or whatever, and you get to know you're coworkers or classmates, you get the inevitable questions like where do you come from, how old are you and if you're male like I am, do you have a girlfriend. What do you say? To make things more complicated you've had a conversation earlier in which the person asking reveals himself to be christian and you're at a christian school. In the end I decided the truth would be best, so no, I said, I don't have a girlfriend, they're not really my thing. Of course that's way to vague for some of the brightest people of our year, so I had to explain that I was more into males, and that girls hold absolutely no interest for me romantically or sexually.

De scholen zijn weer begonnen

2009-09-07T09:21:00.002+02:00

Why don't we start with a lesson in dutch, hm? De scholen zijn weer begonnen, meaning the schools have started again. Which is precisely the reason I have not posted in quite a while. Preparations had to be made. Now that school is officially started I can take a slight breather. Oh, how I love the saying make haste when there's time then there's a time when to haste. Anyway, classes aren't bad, I especially love law, it's more interesting then the book would suggest. On the other hand, corporate administration is rather boring, having done most of the things in there for the last three years, doing even more of it is probably going to drive me mad before the year's over.

The Red Race Monster...

2009-08-18T21:47:00.003+02:00

... it's working again. After 5 weeks of standing around it turns out I it only was €11,55 to repair it. Long live the ANWB (look it up Dave), if they repaired it immeadiatly it would've saved me a lot of money.

2009-08-04T09:31:00.002+02:00

I'm not planning on getting in the habit of posting music that is overly religious, mostly because I'm not actively practicing one myself, don't get me wrong I have the utmost respect for those that do but I have to find a religion that I can support wholeheartedly first. Nevertheless, I do love music, and Libera does make beautiful music. So here's one of my favourite songs, back from when they were still St. Philips Boys Choir. Footprints

Lyrics:
I had a dream

I saw the scenes

Of my life in the sky

The times I’ve had

Both good and bad

Wi-ith you by my side

I had noticed footprints

Two sets in the sand

One set alone when I was low

I could not understand

You said you’d be

Right there with me

All the days of my life

Where then were you

When I went through

All those difficult times

I had noticed footprints

Two sets in the sand

One set alone when I was low

I could not understand

I had noticed footprints

Two sets in the sand

One set alone when I was low

I could not understand

But you said no, you did not go

You were ever near

When times were hard

You carried me

So the prints disappeared

I had noticed footprints

Two sets in the sand

Annoyed... as hell

2009-07-24T08:09:00.002+02:00

Once again I tried swimming. Yesterday I injured my knee when swimming, so I went to the doctor who said it was probably a pulled ligament and that I could continue swimming as long as I didn't go as fast as normally or if I wanted to swim fast, I had to try another stroke. So today I tried. Didn't work. Not only does my knee hurt when doing front crawl, but also when freestyling and backstroking, I could do the butterfly, except I don't know the butterfly. I'm going to try to give my knee some rest this weekend, doing absolutely nothing in the hope my knee recovers, I won't even lift today, come monday I'm going to try again, if that doesn't work I'm going back to the doc and maybe try some yoga to strengthen it. In the meantime... I'm annoyed as hell.

Pain

2009-07-22T23:43:00.002+02:00

Have you ever been hurt emotionally? Hurt so much that it actually hurt physical? I used to read about emotional pain that had physical effects but I always thought it was an exaggeration, but now I know it's true. It's no exaggeration. I can only hope no one else will ever feel like I felt this weekend, for that was pain like I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

A very touching letter...

2009-07-22T23:36:00.002+02:00

Dear Mr Ahern,

My name is Helen Doody, you have already received and failed to reply to a letter that my own son Declan sent to you a week or so ago. So like any good and decent parent I am now trying to get you to listen to and protect my child – it is the very least that any mother would do for her own children.

I read Declan’s email and everything he said to you in the e-mail was true. He had a very tough time growing up in Abbeyfeale, I can still picture him crying in the mornings before he went to school because he was afraid of the people who were going to be waiting for him – bullies who would beat the living daylight out of him, people who crushed the very spirit within him. I tried numerous times to help him, I spoke to teachers, to the parents but the problem got a quick-fix but a weeks later it just continued on.

Declan was always a very shy and quiet boy but as the bullying continued he became more and more invisible. His Dad and I spent nights talking about him, wondering would he go to school in the morning, would he come home that evening with a ripped jumper or would his school copies be destroyed, we tried so hard to get him the help he needed but as the bullying continued, he started to shut his family out.

All of this began to change however the day Declan came out to me. I am not going to pretend that I handled it like a saint, it is a shock to the system, you don’t think about your child being gay, you just assume they are straight and when Declan told me I didn’t know what to do. I thought I had done something wrong, I thought it was my fault, I really thought that this was it for my son, when people started to find out that he was gay his entire world would turn into a living hell but it didn’t.

Over the coming weeks he began to change, I finally started to see him smile again and there was something different about his heart too. I saw my son reach a very dark and lonely place at the age of 16 but even at his lowest my son, had the courage and strength to come out and say he was gay.

He went to college with a new look on life, he finally seemed to be enjoying himself and it was only then I realised that there was nothing wrong with Declan. If my son was happy, if he was no longer worried about what other people thought about him then I knew that there was nothing wrong with being gay.

For many years he had kept a secret from me and his family because he thought we would reject him, like so many people had done to him before and now at the age of 23 he has graduated with a degree, a higher diploma and a masters. He has become the fine young man that his father and I are so very proud to be able to call our son.

When I heard on the news that gay people would now finally be able to register the relationships like any married couple I finally thought things had changed and I suppose many other people around the country like me thought the same. However I have now realised that what you plan on doing is nothing short of telling the gay community that they are still not equal. You will not tell my sons that they are not equal to their brothers, friends and the rest of society. Your Civil Partnership Bill is not good enough for my family, and hundreds, thousands of other families in this country. I might not be the smartest person in this country but even I can tell you that this bill is all but worthless and will only further the opinion that gay people are not the same as everyone else.

I have been there for all my sons when they have had their hearts broken by girlfriends and boyfriends. I helped them pick out gifts on Valentines day and shopped around for a Tux for the Debs. I have met boyfriends and girlfriends, I have liked some and been frosty to others. I have thought about each and every single of them getting married to someone that they love and who will love them back as much as I do.

I have six sons Mr Ahern, six very beautiful boys who became six very beautiful and upstanding young men!

Two of my boys are gay. Four are straight. Two are firemen. Two love playing video games. One loves to cook. Three of them love cars. Five of them have had their tonsils out.

All of them are my sons.

You have the power to change this country so do the right thing and change this country for the better, wake up and realise that there is still time to clean up this mess and give gay couples the same rights as straight couples.

I am asking on behalf of my gay children, their gay friends, my gay friends, my family, I am asking you as a member of this country, as a taxpayer but most of all I am asking you as a mother, to help my children and revise this Bill so everyone in this country can be equal.

Yours truly,
Helen Doody

This was a letter from an Irish lady to an Irish politician. Now I have to say I had my own coming out when I was 16. Actually I was outed by a youth shelter I stayed at for a few days. Fortunatly my parents and the rest of my family accepted it quite easily, but I realise it could easily been different.

Away for the weekend.

2009-07-17T06:45:00.003+02:00

So I'm off for the weekend. After I've finished my business here I'll go pick up Skull at his place and then go off to the south to Cat-girl and Folk-song. Wilmz0r was supposed to have come as well but he told me yesterday that his parents decided to go away for the weekend so he has to watch the dogs, which is kind of annoying as this weekend was planned a week ago. So we're going to have fun, although we'll be missing one of our friends. Wilmz0r, hope you have fun yourself and we'll miss you the weekend.

Autism?

2009-07-09T23:40:00.003+02:00

So I had some psychological test last monday and today I got a call from the psychologist, telling me that they decided to test me for autism. Now they already told me that they might do that but still, I'm kind of confused. I had to go to the psychologist for one reason, headaches. Since november '08 I've had severe, almost migraine like, headaches. Visited the neurologist, got a CT-scan, they didn't find anything so they decided it might be in my head. So, a visit to the psychologist it is. 5 months, 7 appointments and a whole lot of frustration later, I still have the headaches, no one knows what might be wrong with me, and the only thing I might find out is wether or not I've got autism... * sigh *

Kate the Great19

2009-07-09T23:35:00.003+02:00

So I visited boy-who's-named-after-irish-folk-song today, and he let me hear some Final Fantasy fan songs by Kate the Great19, now as some of the persons who know me irl know, I'm quite the fan of Final Fantasy myself, so naturally I was quite surprised as these songs are normally instrumental, but she added her own lyrics and music to them. So here are two of my favourites.

At last, at last

2009-06-23T15:30:00.002+02:00

It's been a while since I last posted something, that's mostly because well, last week Skull was here. We, WoW addict, Addicts girlfriend, Giant, Giants girlfriend and I were talking about him when Addict asked if we were going to take his or my car to pick him up. So there we were at 19.00 deciding we were going to pick up Skull who lives two hours away from us:P Anyway he stayed for about a week and then I returned him home. When I returned from bringing him home, this was a friday, I've been home 16 hours... in the entire weekend. So not much time to write anything for my blog. Actually, the only reason I can write something right now is because I'm sick... Doctor thinks it's just the flu, but I doubt that... I've got sore joints, headache, an extremly sensitive skin and I'm nauseous most of the time... I hope it won't last too long. Oh, an update about my jobhunting, I wasn't hired at the gym:(

Rejection

2009-06-08T00:16:00.002+02:00

So I had a job interview last friday, I was fairly positive, but unfortunatly I was too positive. I got a phone call this afternoon, nevermind that it's sunday, saying that they wouldn't be hiring me. Reason? I'm going back to school in august, which means I'm no longer available during the week. Apparantly, going to school is not liked when you're looking for a job. You know what's ironic? The company I was trying to get a job focuses on students. So a company that employs students didn't want to hire me, because I'm a student. So yeah, I'm getting desperate here, I need a job, and I needed it yesterday.

European Union Election

2009-06-04T19:52:00.002+02:00

I just got back from my first election where I was allowed to vote. Actually the election before this I would've been allowed to vote, except they forgot to send me my voting pass, the didn't this time, so I just voted. Unfortunatly this year's election is about the European Union, nothing against the EU, it's just that as long as the countries can't handle their own problems, how in the world do they expect to be able to solve problems on continental level? So my vote went to the Socialist Party, it was either that or the PVV, but that being a racist and in my opinion a fascist party I refuse to vote for them. I was raised socialist, my father was a socialist, my mother's a socialist, my brother's a socialist, well one of them is at least. The election run for another hour before the voting offices close, and I can only hope that people are wise enough not to vote PVV, unfortunatly, they're considered to be the most popular party to vote for.

So, who am I?

2009-06-01T02:42:00.002+02:00

So who am I exactly? Well... I'm not going to give you my real name, so you may call me Atrineas, I was born in the first month of 1990 in a smallish town in the Netherlands, I have 4 brothers and no sisters, although my mother wished for at least one daugther. I'm unhappily single, not for a lack of trying on my part, but between living in small christian town where gay people aren't really accepted, and falling for unattainable boys, I don't see change soon, unless I give up Skull, which I don't see happening anytime soon. I spent my days being bored, practicing my martial arts, working out in the gym and looking for a job to do during the days, despite what our prime minister says, depression has hit us hard, and there are practically no jobs available. I'm not sure what else to say, so if you have any questions, just ask.

Time for a fresh start

2009-06-01T02:23:00.000+02:00

I noticed last week that it had been 6 weeks since I last posted anything on this, and having read back, I noticed that I hadn't really written anything productive, and that most of my post were apologies for not posting, if that isn't irony I don't know what is. William, a great friend of mine started a blog, which made me think of this, hence my newest post. Some of you, and I'm not just talking about the lone follower, might notice that I deleted all of my previous posts. As I said in the title, it's time for a fresh start, if not with life, at least with Atrineas' Mindscape.